Adventures in Wonderland

2008-10-15T17:08:00.000-07:00

I'm trying something different for a while; we'll see if it will stick. For now, though, I'm posting entries over here instead.

2008-08-31T22:40:00.000-07:00

Today was so fun. I have a lovely new servant - we'll see how that goes, but I had a great time playing with him. And then I had my first CBT* session (well, outside of a double with another mistress). That was also fun. A _lot_ of fun.

I also need to take more foot photos, since I'm finding that I really enjoy foot worship.

CBT, for anyone unfamiliar with the term, means Cock and Ball Torture.

2008-08-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

Well, hells bells. No more spankings for me - doctor's orders. I appear to be taking too much damage around the tailbone, and it's causing all sorts of problems.

Of course, I can give as many spankings as I want. Good thing I switched to domming.

Foot Party

2008-08-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'm off to Footnight San Francisco. This will be my second one.

Footnight is awesome for a multitude of reasons. For the women, well, we get our feet worshipped: massaged, kissed, licked, nibbled on, tickled, and gently cleaned. This just feels good. One of my absolute favorites is when a gentleman rubs the bottom of my foot against his stubble. It just feels amazing. It tickles, but not too much. And it scratches. And, well, I like stubble.

It's also one of the few times when I get to see the other women I work with so much. Normally, when I'm in session, it's just me. Or maybe me and one other woman. At footnight, I can wander into a room and see any of a number of women I know and like. And it's fun watching them react to foot worship, too. A bit of voyeurism there on my part.

For the foot fetishists in attendance, well... There are beautiful women, with beautiful feet, who enjoy foot worship, all around. There are also other people who share the same fetish. There's something wonderfully reassuring about that. Last time, I let my last session of the night go longer because the young man worshipping my feet was just so sweet, and so eager, and so clearly relieved that there were other people who felt the way he did, and women who liked it and weren't just putting up with foot worship (like his ex-gf). I really liked him. There was something so vulnerable and wonderful and worth treasuring in that exchange.

Phone Etiquette

2008-08-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'm telling you a secret now.

At the Gates, we take appointments by phone. This is not the secret. Although some places do allow walk-ins, so it is worth noting that we don't.

The secret is that whichever ladies aren't in session at the moment answer the phone. We will never admit it to you, if you call and ask us which domina/switch we are. We will always say that we're just the receptionist. There are several reasons for this.

Reason 1:
This reduces wankers. Those callers who want to get a free wank from talking to a real live sex worker on the phone. They never come in, these guys. They just want to talk about "disgusting" acts (and they'll use that word) while they jerk off. It's easy to tell when a guy is doing that. And it's downright rude. We're a professional dungeon here, this is how we earn our rent.

One of the quickest giveaways on this is that the guy wants all the really intense stuff, and has never been to the dungeon before. If he's asking for full toilet training, having cigarettes put out on his tongue, having all the women in the house come in to participate in a golden shower on him, and he's never been there before, he's a wanker. Spitting, too. That's a common one with wankers.

Another common one is the wanker telling the "receptionist" how sexy her voice is and asking for a session with her. Then persisting, after she repeats that she's just the receptionist, and asking that she participate in the mass golden shower (see prior paragraph) even though he knows she doesn't generally do that.

Reason 2:
Fairness. If you're answering the phone, that's a position of contact. You can pitch yourself to the guy and begin playing mind games with him right then. That's not fair to the other ladies.

Mind you, there are moments when the guy on the phone will actually disparage you to yourself, not realizing that the "chubby redhead" or "scrawny asian chick" or "brunette with the knockers" is the one answering the phone. Keep that in mind, if you're calling to make an appointment. Politeness here goes a long way. We will make the effort to fit you in to a busy day if you're polite. If, however, you insult the woman doing the scheduling, she really sees no reason to do you a favor.

Reason 3:
Safety. It allows us to catch the slimey guys. The scary guys. The ones we don't want coming to the house. And it allows us a thin extra layer of anonymity while we do it.

You see, since we all answer the phone, we learn the voices of the clients. We learn little telltales that give particular people away, or that signal us to be cautious. And we talk to each other. We tell each other about the wankers who have called, what they say, what accents they have. We also tell each other about the bad clients we've had or answered calls for, and how to recognize them. We all answer the phone, we are all invested in the safety and success of the house, and we all know what to look out for. Which a straight receptionist might not.

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be the one answering the phone when one of those scary guys called. Lucky because he was calling for me, and the girl answering most of the calls was new, and still training. She doesn't recognize the wankers or the scary guys yet.

This fellow used to call for me on a regular basis. He has a middle eastern accent - I can't pinpoint it, but it has hints of England in it. And he always asks about how heavy a spanking I can take. How heavy a caning. Is she a heavy sub? he asks, breathing a little too hard. Can she take a really good spanking? And he's not actually talking about the kind of spanking I would consider heavy. He's talking about leaving massive bruises. The kind the keeps you from working for another three weeks. He's been in to the house once, and Sage 86ed him after he overdid it and crossed boundaries. I wasn't the one who saw him, that was before my time. But Sage had me listen in on one of his calls so I could recognize his voice.

He pretended to be a completely new client, and to have just read my profile. But, and here's the thing, he clearly hadn't. He referred to my old profile, the one that used to be up before I took my break. The one where I only subbed. And I don't do that anymore. In fact, I don't sub much anymore. I don't think I want to sub at all, actually.

So, I recognized him and told him to look again, because that was certainly not what Rosalynde's profile said. And he argued with me a while - or at least tried to. I told him no, he could not see Rosalynde, she did not sub anymore, and asked him if he had called before. In fact, I told him I remembered talking to him before, that he was the fellow who always asked about marking and heavy spankings, right? And he insisted he wasn't, but he'd already used those phrases in the conversation. And I told him I didn't know of anyone in the house who took the kind of spanking he was thinking of. And then I hung up.

The moral of the story? There isn't really one. Be polite to receptionists, you never know when they're going to be spanking your ass? Don't be a wanker wasting other people's time? Don't let assholes waste your time? Pay attention to voices and stand your ground?

I will say, if you call the Gates to make an appointment, do be polite. And don't tell the receptionist what a sexy voice she has, or pester her to tell you which lady she is.

Tickled Pink

2008-08-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

I love domming.

I had no idea how much more fun it would be to dom at the Gates than to sub. A guess, perhaps, but not certainty.

Today I had the sweetest little sub come in for a tickle session, and it was just so lovely hooking him up to the suspension bar and setting him quivering this way and then that. And making him close his eyes as I tried out different toys and tools on him.

It's a totally different feeling from subbing. And, for me, at the Gates, much more empowering. I'm not worried about how I'm feeling, not worried about my boundaries... instead, I'm completely engrossed in how he's feeling, in respecting his boundaries, in creating a palette of sensations... There's very little worry there. Just focus. And when it's working, when I see him reacting more and more, when I hear him inhaling suddenly in response, it's just lovely.

By the end, he was quivering at even the slightest little touches. Excellent.

The Prodigal Daughter

2008-08-02T21:00:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my first day back at the Gates. I will admit to some nervousness, but I think taking this break has been good for me.

I started at the Gates a little over a year ago, and I started as a submissive. I had no intentions of switching. I am submissive in my personal life, and I knew, at the time, that I preferred it.

Since then, though, things have changed. Leaving the Gates, taking the time off, helped me think it through.

The thing is, while I am submissive in my personal life, while I love being in that role, I don't love being in that role for just anybody. For me, being submissive is about trust. And I was lucky enough that I had some dom clients I could trust. But not all. Not even most. I can't trust someone who won't respect my boundaries. I can't trust someone who will hit me as hard as he wants without taking into consideration my need to warm up. Or my desire not to be bruised 8 ways till Sunday. I don't like having my breasts touched. And I can't tell you how many clients were not okay with that. I'm fine with showing them, that's not an issue. But touch in that area is, unfortunately, a huge turnoff for me outside of very specific circcumstances. Which only, by the way, happen with trust.

Mind you, there are some wonderful doms I've seen through the Gates. But there were many who didn't care about me at all. I'm not asking for love and devotion, I'm not asking for a relationship that extends beyond the scene of the moment. But I am asking for the acknowledgement that I am another person, that I am your playmate for this hour, and that while I want to please you, I will not do so at the expense of my own boundaries.

Those doms I didn't like never viewed me as a person. In fact, that depersonalization is what they were paying for. They didn't want to deal with the messiness of respect and boundaries. They wanted their fantasy fulfilled. They wanted to be selfish and not to have to consider the wants of another person. That's what they were paying for. And I can't really say they were wrong. I can say, however, that I don't want to play with them.

Being dominant, on the other hand, and playing with submissive clients... That's pure pleasure.

Funny, isn't it, that I identify as a submissive, and yet most of what I have to say about subbing professionally is very negative, yet what I have to say about domming professionally is very positive.

I loved domming at the Gates. I loved having a client come in and treat me with respect. I loved having a client begging to serve me, or letting me catch him out in inappropriate behavior and punish him. I loved knowing that, by god, my client was going to respect my boundaries or I was going to hurt him. And that he was going to thank me for it. And I loved, loved, loved being able to relax into the moment and truly enjoy it, instead of worrying about how to protect myself from getting grabbed or hit in ways I didn't enjoy.

I know, again, that there will be submissive clients who don't really care about who I am or whether I enjoy myself. But by the very nature of the scene, they will offer me respect. And, honestly, those submissives I've topped, I've deeply enjoyed. Most of them read as sincere within our interactions, and that's enough for me.

Two New Things

2008-08-01T12:52:00.000-07:00

One: The cat where I am now living (did I mention I moved?) is clearly a foot fetishist. She sniffs my toes, nibbles them, licks them, rubs her face against them, and then rubs her entire body against my feet. And I find myself thinking, the last time my feet got this much attention, I was getting paid for it.

She is a lovely cat.

Two: I am looking for a good martial arts studio on the Peninsula. I used to kickbox, long ago, and would love to do so again. I'm looking for recommendations, since it's awfully hard to find a good dojo.

Two Things

2008-07-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

First, I am returning to the Gates. I'll be back for my first shift Sunday the 3rd of August, and I'm so excited! There will definitely be pedicures and pampering on the 2nd in preparation.

I have had my much needed break, removed myself from a hellish (and rather soap opera-ish) living situation. I'll tell you all about it later - it involved conservative christians, post-op trannies, threats against cats (by the way, you threaten my cats, I hurt you - understood?), foolish engagements doomed to failure, lost friendships... lordy, the list goes on. It's actually a pretty standard story of a bad relationship, friends trying to say something but instead getting discarded, and a pell mell rush to the wedding bell. It's just when you combine the conservative and clueless christian with the deceitful post-op tranny that it goes beyond the standard.

There is something very empowering in getting out of such a situation and realizing that none of the drama is mine. I was just the witness. Well, and one of the friends who tried to say something. And now, no longer the roommate watching from the trenches.

So, yes. I'm coming home to the place that soothes my heart. Back to the Gates. I am distinctly on the domming side these days, although, as per my last entry, I do sometimes seriously need a good sub session. What this means is that I will be very picky about sub sessions, those times I'm in the mood to take them. If you want to top me, best to email me first and make sure we mesh. I am very particular about my preferences these days.

In other news, I am still writing articles for the kindly folks over at alt.com. My second article went live within the last week. I'll put up some teaser text here soon. But, if you go over there and poke around, you should be able to find it.

Feeling on edge, and then...

2008-07-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

And then I realize what I need.

I need pain. I need subtlety. Artistry.

I need the endorphin rush that comes with the cane. Or the knife. I need the pain of muscles stretched too far, too long. I need to be hurt, to relax into it without worry for my overall health, for the ability to walk painlessly and unmarked (at least, where it matters) tomorrow.

I need the freedom of sub space. It is one of the two places where worry lifts, where the voices in my mind quiet and relax. It's where guilt lets go, tomorrow isn't an issue.

After the pain, I'm clean. And it's not about the expiation of guilt or sins, really, though that has a nice poetry to it. It's about the endorphin rush at last - the clean, clear, pure endorphin rush that comes and then goes. Leaving you in its wake and answering the call of stress. The original need. To flee or fight, and resolve in either death or survival.

Modern stress doesn't work that way. It isn't flight from an immediate threat. In fact, you can't flee, because the modern causes of stress are so abstract. Debt. Relationships. There is no conclusive ending where you've died or survived. These stresses go on.

But with a sub session.... you get the intensity of the actual flight, and the stress ends.

Oh, sure, the original source of stress didn't go away. Debt is still there. Roommates with sucky girlfriends still exist. But the intensity of the session overtakes the original source of stress, suborns it. It becomes more immediate. And when the session ends, the stress you had before, that it stole for it's own intensity, slips away, too. And you're spent. And clean.

I need a good sub session.

Articles

2008-06-30T17:45:00.000-07:00

So, I mentioned that I've started writing articles for alt.com. Here are the first few paragraphs of the first of my articles to go up:

Aftercare: Let the Healing Begin
By Rosalynde

Let’s talk about aftercare.

I’m not talking about sex, or a long bath, or lying silently, skin to skin with your partner as you float back into yourself.

Don’t get me wrong, I love that kind of aftercare. But what I want to talk about now is the physical. Better yet, the medical side. I want to talk about what to do for your body to help it heal and recover so that you can play again – happily and healthily.

How many times, for those submissives reading this, have you come out of a great session, your ass red from a really good spanking, the skin on your back tight and hot from flogging, muscles sore from kneeling for what felt like forever, and then had to go to work the next day? Or to a family dinner where you really did not want to let on to mom what it is you do for fun?

For dominants, how many times have you looked at the marks you left on your submissive and tried to figure out how to help hide those? How many times have you wanted to pull your sub close and hold them whenever you see them try to sit down and then wince in pain?

And how many times have you wanted to play again, but had to take it easy because the damage from the last scene hadn’t healed up yet?

If you’ve ever been in either of those roles, or think you might be, keep reading. I’m going to share with you the contents of my aftercare med kit.

If you want to read more, you can check out the article here. I believe you have to have an account at Alt in order to read articles. It's free, though, so that shouldn't be too much of an issue. Once you set up the account, though, you need to go into your preferences and okay adult/graphic content in order to read the magazine articles.

If anyone can figure out an easier way of accessing the article, please let me know.

Gone too long

2008-06-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

It's been too long since I've posted here. So much has changed.

I have a new day job, hence less of my night job going on. I'm on hiatus from the Gates for the moment, though I'm planning to go back. I've also started writing articles for Alt.com and Bondage.com, so most of my BDSM writing resources have been going in that direction. (My first article went live at Alt.com today).

I also recently learned how to shoot a gun. That was too fun, and I think that my thoughts on that belong here, since it fits in with how I feel about power.

Updated Linkage

2008-04-21T16:35:00.000-07:00

The old Gates webpage seems to be no more. We're at a new domain. Here's my profile, with the updated text and pics.

2008-04-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

My updated profile is up at the Gates now. Go take a look. (This really shouldn't require saying, but that link is NSFW).

Fears of Being Dominant

2008-04-11T19:40:00.000-07:00

One of the reasons I've always been a sub, never really switched or dommed, is this: I like hurting people.

Huh? you're saying, isn't that reason to be a domme?

It is, and it isn't. Part of it is an issue of self trust. Part of it is an issue of social programming. Actually, that issue of social programming/conditioning is what's been at the root of the trust issue.

Joy in hurting people showed up pretty early for me. I remember playing some silly game with my mother, where I was an adult and she was a kid (I was under five, so this memory is vague) and I remember punishing her and telling her she was bad. I don't remember what I said, but it was apparently enough for her to stop the game and deliver a lesson on not being mean to other people. I remember feeling very ashamed.

That sort of thing happened throughout my childhood. And I remember my mother really disliking it, and feeling ashamed whenever she caught me out. The lesson she taught me was that only bad people hurt others. I think that somehow extended out to the way I viewed power, and the way I resisted having it. I would end up running some school group or event, and all the while protesting that I wasn't really in charge or didn't really have power. When, clearly, I did. And clearly, I relished it and was good at it (or else I wouldn't have continually been put in charge of things).

So I've denied my own interest in power and in dominating others. And in inflicting pain. Don't confuse domination with merely inflicting pain, by the way. The best dominants I've ever played with do a lot more than that. They also provide strength and protection: a sense of safety and reward.

Over the years, I think I've gotten a bit healthier in my relationship with power. I've had jobs where I've very much been in control and provided guidance and nurture. And discipline. But I think I've always erred on the side of being too nice as protection against that part of me that enjoys pain. So I accepted some parts of being dominant, but not all.

And it's funny, when you think about the fact that I am a submissive. That I've been working as a professional submissive for nearly a year. I don't think the people I've played with are bad people just because they want to hurt me or punish me. I've enjoyed that. Felt cleansed by it. Lord knows I've worked out a lot of my own fears and issues in the process of being a submissive, of finding an outlet. I'm grateful to the dominants who've helped me, who've worked with me in that time (remind me to tell you about one of my first doms and how I was able to handle family conflict after working with him).

With all that experience on the submissive side, it's funny that I'm still afraid of my dominant side. Or that I have been. It's changing, now. It's something I want to change.

Things I Thought I'd Say

2008-03-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

I'd intended to write an entry about photos. About why we need them, what kinds of photos net which kinds of responses.

I also thought about writing about why, when I'm submissive, it isn't sexual for me. It really isn't. I get that it's sexual for the dominant, and that's in no way contradictory. I get something else, also very intense, out of it. Closer, I think, to what prayer is supposed to be. Or like the classical Greek concept of catharsis.

I also thought that it would be nice to mention, here, the lovely client I had a few weeks ago who brought me ice packs.

However, I am too tired and headachey. I did have a lot of fun today taking photos with Tommy and Mistress Saskia, who very kindly came in and allowed me to use her as a prop. I gave her her first ever flogging! That was fun. Also fun, her comment that I was a very good domme, and good at explaining how things worked.

I will probably talk about one or all of these things in future posts. Now, I ought to be going to sleep. I have work at the Gates tomorrow, and that can take a lot out of a girl.

Fun today!

2008-03-20T10:57:00.000-07:00

What fun! Tommy Cuellar, one of my favorite photographers, emailed last night to say he was free today, would I like to do a photo shoot. And the answer was, "Of course!"

Tommy is a great photographer, and he's done a lot of my BDSM photos. But I've also gone to him for personal portraits - the sort you can send to your folks or post on a dating profile (both of which I've done with him).

Any rate, today we're going to explore some new things (at least, new to me).

Here, this is his website, and, under the fetish photos, you can see two of my favorite women (Mistress Keva and Mistress Savannah).

PS I have a complete girl crush on Mistress Keva.

Wishes Part 2

2008-02-29T18:02:00.000-08:00

So I mentioned last week that I got one of my wishes when one of the other ladies did a walk-on during my session. One of my other wishes is to get a play piercing from Mistress Savannah.

I already have several piercings; nose, navel, and multiple ear piercings. Each one I got at a significant moment in my life. A break-up, a personal break through, a significant life change. I should have realized earlier that I enjoyed pain, when I kept marking special moments with piercings. But I didn't. At least, not consciously.

Each time I got pierced, I was afraid it would hurt horribly. Each time, it was much easier than I expected.

Now, don't think I just want to get pierced at random by someone I don't know. I want it to be Savannah who pierces me; she and I began working at the Gates at the same time, and we've watched each other change and grow as we've worked here. She's important to me. Having her hold the needle would mean something.

I'd like it to happen in session. Because that feels right. Working at the Gates has been a big change for me. It's only in the last few years that I've realized I was into BDSM. Only in the last year that I've played hard. And only in the last seven months that I've worked at the Gates. I feel like now is an important moment in my life. I'm stronger than I've ever been, I know my own boundaries, and I've taken so much pain. It's hard to get upset over small things when you've been caned and flogged and paddled on a regular basis until you can't sit without wincing.

I'm also beginning to switch. This is a big deal. It's a huge leap in confidence for me. I never trusted myself to know how much to hurt someone else before. I also must confess that, when I was a kid, I wanted to hurt people, and it scared me. I shied away from it. I didn't trust myself. Now, I do. Now that I've been on the other side of it, I feel comfortable switching.

So, flux and change. I'm at another significant moment in my life. And I'd like to do a piercing with Savannah to commemorate it.

I already have everything pierced that I want pierced. So this one wouldn't be for adornment. I hadn't even thought about it until I saw Tina walk into the kitchen with a play piercing in her back. Savannah had done it during session, and I had this sudden rush of envy and found myself thinking, "I want to do that!"

I told her that today, and she was delighted. I hope it happens.

Pictures

2008-02-22T19:45:00.000-08:00

Pictures are pretty important in this business. Often, pictures are the deciding factor for a client when they're booking a session. Which means that having good pictures is a worthwhile investment.

My first set of pics were done by a dom friend of mine. He wasn't all that into photography, but he was very good at directing me into good poses. I'm rather fond of those photos. Here's one I really liked:

My second set of photos were professionally done by Tommy Cuellar over at Glowstar Studios. Those were a blast. Mistress Ai Li helped out, and you can see her in a few:

Last week my boyfriend and I decided to take some photos. Here's one of my favorites:

And yes, the main point of this post was to show you some of my favorite pictures. I would go into more analysis and explain why I like each shot, and what's good about them, and how the first two are far more subby than that last one... but I just realized I have a session to get ready for in half an hour. So, no analysis for now.

Hope you like the pictures!

Wishes

2008-02-22T17:56:00.000-08:00

Today I got one of my wishes: having a walk-on from one of the other women in the house.

That may not seem like a really big wish, but it's not something I get often. Usually, in my sessions, it's just the client (a dom) and me. From what I've seen it's much more common to get a walk on with a submissive client. Walk-ons do cost an additional $20-$40 depending on how long a walk-on it is (10-20 minutes).

But my client today was one of my favorites. He's a regular, and I see him once or twice a month. So, when one of the other women said she'd really love to do a walk-on, I told her I'd ask him. I felt comfortable bringing it up with him, since we've played together so often. He agreed. (Yay!)

The scenario was that I was his erring wife, and he was punishing me because he'd realized I was having an affair. He comes home early and catches me getting ready to meet my lover. He punishes me (spanking and flogging) until I start to confess that I'm involved with another woman, and that I'm introducing her to BDSM. Then Stella (the other woman, who doesn't have a profile at the Gates yet, but will soon) comes in. He punishes both of us, making me spank her, and then making her spank me.

It was a lot of fun. He's a great person to role-play with, and she took to it as well. Plus, I got to practice spanking and flogging, which is always fun. (Have I mentioned I've been feeling more toppy lately? Because I have.)

So I got one of my wishes today.

Let's Talk About Marking Fees

2008-02-20T17:38:00.000-08:00

Something I wish I'd known before.

As a submissive (at least up until this point - that's actually changing, but I'll save that for a later entry when I feel like talking about it) I have to deal with the issue of marks. Bruises.

Before I did this professionally, it was different. Any marks I got were purely from fun, purely from play. I was proud to carry those marks, and it was no big deal if they lasted a few days or a week. And I did play pretty hard. One night, coming home from a club, the friend I'd gone with took one look at my ass and said, "You're not sitting on that." He made me lie on my stomach in the back seat. Then he bought me ice packs at a Rite Aid. He slathered some Traumeel on my ass (by the way, I totally recommend the stuff - it has arnica and calendula in it, and it really helps with the bruising). He also put some neosporin on the cuts on my upper back; I'd gotten into some edge play that night, and had a lovely criss-crossing of slashes on my right shoulder.

It took me about a week and a half to heal from that. And I heal quickly.

But, professionally, I can't afford to have bruises for long. It compromises my ability to take sessions. Clients don't usually want to see bruises from prior sessions. And if I'm already bruised, I can't take as much.

Also, I can't ever let go as much at work as I can during my personal play. I have to watch my boundaries. I have to make sure the client doesn't overstep. While a lot of clients are great and fun to play with, some aren't. Some push. Some don't want to take no for an answer. I can't tell you how many clients have complained about my no breast play rule. And tried to push the boundary.

Also, some clients don't know how it feels. They've never had it done to them. So, sometimes, they hit harder than they should. They don't realize how much it hurts or how much damage it causes. I had a client tell me that it shouldn't matter how hard he canes me, that if I'd just put some echinacea on it, it would go away (he meant arnica, and no, it doesn't work that way).

So, marking fees. Not standard up here. I remember seeing the website for a dungeon in LA that said a client must pay a $100 marking deposit before a session with a submissive. If he marked her, she kept it. If he didn't, he got it back. Originally, I thought this was a great idea. But I don't anymore.

Remember Mr. Cane-too-hard from two paragraphs ago? He offered a marking fee to cane me. Sage, who runs the Gates, told me to insist on a minimum of $300. I did, he reluctantly agreed. And then he caned the shit out of me. It was clear that he didn't care how much he hurt me, or how bad his aim was. I'd never before cried during session. I'd also never before yelled at a client. But I did both with him. Because he really hurt me. And he felt entitled to do so because he'd paid his $300 fee. He didn't care that his aim was bad.

I ended up with massive bruising from that session. All over my ass and down the back of my thigh from the cane. I also had bruises on my rib cage from where the flogger wrapped around (this, by the way, is bad technique - you're not supposed to let it wrap around, but he didn't care). I had bruising on my inner thighs, again from the flogger.

It took over two weeks to heal, and it hurt a lot in the interim. I sat on ice pack for two days. I used my Traumeel salve and Traumeel pills. I used Bromelain (great for bruises). I took excellent care of myself. And it still took two weeks for the bruises to heal. I wish I'd gotten a picture of the damage, but I didn't. I did show it to friends at a party, who were horrified. I showed it to my roommate, who was beyond horrified. I showed it to my boyfriend a few days later; I think he wanted to deck the dude. Heck, I wanted to deck the dude, and I'm not like that.

The thing was that for Mr.Cane-too-hard, I wasn't a person. I was a doll or a canvas. He paid for me, he got to hit me and hurt me as much as he wanted. At least in his mind. He got to bruise me as much as he wanted, and it didn't matter that I had to deal with the pain for a week after, and the marks for two. It didn't matter that the damage he did caused me to lose out on income. It didn't matter that my body was exhausted by the process of healing all that damage. It didn't matter. He paid his marking fee and he felt entitled to mark me. As much as he wanted.

I won't do marking fees anymore. I won't do marking deposits. I won't do sessions that will mark me. I've heard the argument that, if you call it a deposit, it won't be the same. The client won't feel so entitled. But I don't think that one word makes enough of a difference. And the idea of giving the deposit back at the end of a session if there are no bruises sounds really good, but isn't. The problem is, bruises don't always show up that quickly. It can take hours or a day for the bruise to blossom. My ass can be red right after session, and purple by the next morning.

In an ideal world, marking fees would work. But they don't.

A Question of Audience

2008-02-20T17:22:00.001-08:00

I realize that I haven't known who I'm writing this for. I never really made that a clear decision. If it's for potential clients, then that limits what I want to write about. That keeps me from talking about the negatives. That prevents me from talking about the behind the scenes moments, like hanging out in the kitchen with the other women at the Gates and talking about our lives.

If I'm writing for other people already in the scene... well, quite frankly, that intimidates me. I'm no expert. I've been working as a professional submissive for six months, but there's still so much for me to learn. Heck, I only really started learning knots today. I worry that people more experienced than I am will be critical.

If I'm writing this for people totally unfamiliar with the scene... well, that actually sounds like a lot of fun. But it might alienate either of the two potential audiences I've already mentioned.

I'm clearly not writing this solely for myself. If I were, it wouldn't be on the web.

There is value to knowing your audience. But trying to tailor to a specific audience, to pander... not so good.

I think I'm going to write this to the sort of person I was a year ago. To someone intrigued by the whole idea, but unfamiliar and unaware. A year ago, I never would have guessed I'd be working at a BDSM house. I'd been flogged a few times by a friend. I'd been tied down during sex with a boyfriend. I'd bitten and been bitten. But that was about the extent of it.

So I'm writing to me. And I'm going to talk about the things I would have wanted to know, or that I wish I'd known before.

Valentine's Special

2008-02-04T02:01:00.000-08:00

Just a quick note here: The Gates is having a special all throughout the month of February. Get $20 off any session of an hour or more.

So, if you've been curious, wanted to try a session at a Dungeon with a dominatrix or a submissive, or know of someone who would love to do so, now is the time.

I'll add here that we love to see women or couples. This is the sort of thing you could do with your sweetie, particularly if you've been interested in BDSM but not had much experience or practice.

Looking back... my college boyfriend and I got each other professional massages for Valentine's day once upon a time, which was nice. But I think something like this might have been better. I knew enough, then, to know that I liked being tied down. He knew it, too, and was willing to try it, but we didn't really know where to go from there. I'd have loved sessioning with an experienced professional who could help us see the different directions we could take it.

I think that exploring our sexuality together, playing with kink and sensuality and romantic identity would have been a perfect Valentine's Day. Far better than the standard, and standardized, box of chocolates and bouquet of flowers. That would be a Valentine's Day that left you with something new, something beautiful that you didn't have before.

Submissive Together

2008-01-18T16:26:00.000-08:00

I have been so bad about updating, someone really ought to spank me.

I actually had a wonderful experience the other day with Mistress Jussara at the Gates. Initially, I was assisting her in dominating this adorable young man - which was interesting in itself. I'm not naturally dominant. But, I've found, when there's someone else who's dominant who can direct me, I can really enjoy it. We tied him up and tortured him. She had me spanking him, paddling him, using the pinwheel on him (the pinwheel is one of my favorite warm-up toys - if you aren't familiar with it, this is what one looks like:

Tangent time: Here's why I love using the pinwheel as a warm up. It tickles and it hurts, both. You run that thing along the surface of someone's skin, lightly, and it tickles something fierce. Gives me shivers. But, if you press just a bit more firmly, the sharp points dig in and the tickling begins to hurt. The combination of sensations is just perfect. It's a wonderful transition into increasing pain.

Mistress Jussara guided me, at any rate. And she is very good. And I really enjoyed watching his reactions to everything we were doing, the way he inhaled suddenly when he really enjoyed something, or writhed when the pain got to the edge of his tolerance. It was beautiful and fascinating to be on the other side of that for once.

But then, and this was, I'll admit, my favorite part, Mistress Jussara turned on me and forced me into a submissive role as well. Now, I've been submissive to other Mistresses twice before, and loved it each time. And I loved it this time, as well. She was so fiendishly clever, it was wonderful.

She had just put clothespins on our sub's nipples, when he asked why she didn't do that to me, too. Knowing that I really can't tolerate breast play (what can I say, in that one area I'm a total wimp) she said, "No, Rosalynde is too sensitive there. But..." And that's when she got the idea.

I knew this might happen, by the way. She'd told me, that morning, that she really wanted to play with a female submissive. That she was hoping she'd get the chance to, soon. So I knew this was coming.

She had me strip down to bra and panties and ordered me to get behind our sub. And then she slapped wrist cuffs on each of my wrists and hooked my cuffs to his. He was already chained to the bed frame, facing the mirror. So she chained me up behind him, pressed up against his back. And then she began to spank me.

She told us that the two of us were one, now. That he'd take all the punishment in the front, and I'd take all the punishment in the back. And that I was to bite him any time the pain got to be too much for me.

And that was brilliant. Truly brilliant.

I whispered to him, "You'd better hope I have a high pain tolerance," and then I didn't have a chance to say anything more, I was too busy whimpering or purring from what Mistress Jussara was doing.

I am proud to say, though, that at one point he whispered back to me, "You do have a high pain tolerance!" But that was just before she broke me. Right after that, she caned me hard enough that I had to give in and bite him.

Through a looking glass

2007-12-27T20:38:00.000-08:00

I was explaining to a friend of mine that being submissive, enjoying my particular kink, means looking at the world in a different way. I don't see the same things he does.

My example was a trip to a cooking store. He goes in, sees a spatula. If he thinks about it at all, it will be whether or not he needs one. Maybe whether or not it would scratch up his pans, have a high enough heat tolerance, or be ergonomically correct. If he's really OCD, he might think about whether the color matched the rest of his kitchen. He might be moved to pick it up and see how it balances in his hand.

Me? I go into a cooking store, I see a spatula. I notice how rigid the material is, what kind of pattern it has on it (striped, circles), the texture of it. I pick it up, and while I may notice the balance of it, that's not my main interest. I smack it, hard, against my palm, to feel what kind of sting it gives.

I won't even think about what I'm doing. It's not like I'm looking for a new toy, or went to the cooking store with that intention. I just do it. Because it's completely natural to me.

Maybe that's not just being submissive or enjoying pain. Maybe that's something inherent to anyone with a sensual nature. I also feel fabrics as I walk through a clothing store. Again, without thinking. But I suspect it's a combination. Not all sensualists would hit themselves to experience a sting. And not all submissives would, either.

And I realize I've always been like this, always done things along those lines. Even before I was aware of being submissive or enjoying pain. On a very basic level, this is just who I am.

How I Became a Submissive (Part 1)

2007-12-21T00:56:00.000-08:00

What does a beautiful girl with a Masters degree in English do? She becomes a professional submissive.

There's more to it than that, of course. And that's not all I'm doing with my time. But that's what this blog is about. I've given myself a year to fully explore my fascination with pain and submission.

Before I talk about anything else, about how I love the feeling of a flogger against my skin, or the sting of a paddle against my ass, or the beautiful constriction of ropes around my body, I want to say that I have always been a good little feminist. Which may be why it took me so long to admit that I'm also submissive. Because a good feminist would never want a man to dominate her, or pull her by the hair, or chain her to a cross, or force her to beg for his forgiveness. She would never want him to punish her, or call her a slut, or put her over his knee and spank her. That would be... shameful.

But the thing I've come to realize is that I do like all of those things. And more. And there is nothing shameful about any of it. There is never anything shameful about enjoying your body, and fully exploring your nature, so long as there is consent. Knowing, conscious, consent. To deny that part of myself was far worse.

I am a submissive, and I am a feminist. One who refuses to be trapped by anyone else's rules, anyone else's ideas about right or wrong.

But now it is far past my bedtime. So I'll go to sleep and have sweet dreams of whips and chains.