Phone Etiquette

I'm telling you a secret now.

At the Gates, we take appointments by phone. This is not the secret. Although some places do allow walk-ins, so it is worth noting that we don't.

The secret is that whichever ladies aren't in session at the moment answer the phone. We will never admit it to you, if you call and ask us which domina/switch we are. We will always say that we're just the receptionist. There are several reasons for this.

Reason 1:
This reduces wankers. Those callers who want to get a free wank from talking to a real live sex worker on the phone. They never come in, these guys. They just want to talk about "disgusting" acts (and they'll use that word) while they jerk off. It's easy to tell when a guy is doing that. And it's downright rude. We're a professional dungeon here, this is how we earn our rent.

One of the quickest giveaways on this is that the guy wants all the really intense stuff, and has never been to the dungeon before. If he's asking for full toilet training, having cigarettes put out on his tongue, having all the women in the house come in to participate in a golden shower on him, and he's never been there before, he's a wanker. Spitting, too. That's a common one with wankers.

Another common one is the wanker telling the "receptionist" how sexy her voice is and asking for a session with her. Then persisting, after she repeats that she's just the receptionist, and asking that she participate in the mass golden shower (see prior paragraph) even though he knows she doesn't generally do that.

Reason 2:
Fairness. If you're answering the phone, that's a position of contact. You can pitch yourself to the guy and begin playing mind games with him right then. That's not fair to the other ladies.

Mind you, there are moments when the guy on the phone will actually disparage you to yourself, not realizing that the "chubby redhead" or "scrawny asian chick" or "brunette with the knockers" is the one answering the phone. Keep that in mind, if you're calling to make an appointment. Politeness here goes a long way. We will make the effort to fit you in to a busy day if you're polite. If, however, you insult the woman doing the scheduling, she really sees no reason to do you a favor.

Reason 3:
Safety. It allows us to catch the slimey guys. The scary guys. The ones we don't want coming to the house. And it allows us a thin extra layer of anonymity while we do it.

You see, since we all answer the phone, we learn the voices of the clients. We learn little telltales that give particular people away, or that signal us to be cautious. And we talk to each other. We tell each other about the wankers who have called, what they say, what accents they have. We also tell each other about the bad clients we've had or answered calls for, and how to recognize them. We all answer the phone, we are all invested in the safety and success of the house, and we all know what to look out for. Which a straight receptionist might not.


Yesterday, I was lucky enough to be the one answering the phone when one of those scary guys called. Lucky because he was calling for me, and the girl answering most of the calls was new, and still training. She doesn't recognize the wankers or the scary guys yet.

This fellow used to call for me on a regular basis. He has a middle eastern accent - I can't pinpoint it, but it has hints of England in it. And he always asks about how heavy a spanking I can take. How heavy a caning. Is she a heavy sub? he asks, breathing a little too hard. Can she take a really good spanking? And he's not actually talking about the kind of spanking I would consider heavy. He's talking about leaving massive bruises. The kind the keeps you from working for another three weeks. He's been in to the house once, and Sage 86ed him after he overdid it and crossed boundaries. I wasn't the one who saw him, that was before my time. But Sage had me listen in on one of his calls so I could recognize his voice.

He pretended to be a completely new client, and to have just read my profile. But, and here's the thing, he clearly hadn't. He referred to my old profile, the one that used to be up before I took my break. The one where I only subbed. And I don't do that anymore. In fact, I don't sub much anymore. I don't think I want to sub at all, actually.

So, I recognized him and told him to look again, because that was certainly not what Rosalynde's profile said. And he argued with me a while - or at least tried to. I told him no, he could not see Rosalynde, she did not sub anymore, and asked him if he had called before. In fact, I told him I remembered talking to him before, that he was the fellow who always asked about marking and heavy spankings, right? And he insisted he wasn't, but he'd already used those phrases in the conversation. And I told him I didn't know of anyone in the house who took the kind of spanking he was thinking of. And then I hung up.

The moral of the story? There isn't really one. Be polite to receptionists, you never know when they're going to be spanking your ass? Don't be a wanker wasting other people's time? Don't let assholes waste your time? Pay attention to voices and stand your ground?

I will say, if you call the Gates to make an appointment, do be polite. And don't tell the receptionist what a sexy voice she has, or pester her to tell you which lady she is.